The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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