im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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