oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
