so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize