so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
