God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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