My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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