So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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