I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
