She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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