Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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