how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
