i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
