I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
