fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
