**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
