if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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