and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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