so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
