I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
