You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
