you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
