i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
