If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He better not be in your backpack
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize