bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
