i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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