the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
