Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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