Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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