Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize