I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
