I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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