sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
