hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
