i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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