spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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