They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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