She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Holy sore nipples Batman
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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