Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
