Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
