Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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