I skipped work to stalk him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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