If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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