I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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