I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
