I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
