Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
