Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
