I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
