i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Randomize
