If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
