Your face is a jimmy john
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
