At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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