You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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