perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
