After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sober January is a disaster.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
