Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
