when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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