last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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