Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
