I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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