there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
