I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize
