Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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