he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
