Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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