you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
