And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
