we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
