That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
the condom got lost in my hair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
