My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize