i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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