i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk is not a location!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
