Jerry, you need to find god
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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