He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
