I'm so fucking centered right now
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize