i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
