her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
