why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
