I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
