Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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