eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
