I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
