i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
