what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
