Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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