I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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